Four Steps in Conflict Resolution

From book "Conflict Management in the Workplace—How to Manage Disagreements and Develop Trust and Understanding", 3rd Edition

• step 1. attend to the other person, validate/acknowledge the opinion, feeling or intention - does not mean to agree, understand what the other person WANTS

"What can we do about it?"
"What do you need from me?"
"What would you like to see happen?"
"What needs to happen so it is right for you?"
"How would you want it to be?"

• step 2. explore the NEED behind the WANT, keep the focus on the other person, deepen understanding

"Why is that important to you?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Why do you want that?"

• step 3. invite the other's SOLUTION on BOTH sets of NEEDS, focus on solution not prpblem

"How would you see us solving that?"
"What do you suggest?"
"What would be your solution?"
"What can we do so you get … (your need) and I get … (my need)?"

• step 4. build for maximum win-win

"What I like about your suggestion is..."
"My concerns are..."
"What do you suggest we do?"

Power plays - Here is a way of being assertive while keeping a sense of collaboration. It enables you to begin a conversation without any hint of blame, accusation or demand. It is in three parts:
1. The behaviour – a non-emotive description of the current behaviour
2. Your response – how you feel or think about the behaviour
3. The preferred behaviour – what you would need instead

e.g."When I sense my needs are being dismissed I feel angry. And I would like us to work in more collaborative ways."

If the other person continues to dismiss your needs e.g. ‘You are over-reacting’, you can loop again on your assertive request.

e.g. "I appreciate you feel I am over-reacting. However, I feel dismissed. And I would like us to work in a more collaborative way."